How to listen better
When someone says something negative to you, you have four options on how you’ll receive the message:
- Listen to blame yourself: How is what they’re saying my fault?
- Listen to blame them: How is what they’re saying, in fact, their fault?
- Become conscious of your own feelings and needs.
- Listen out for the speaker’s feelings and needs.
When you step back and listen objectively, you’ll start to hear things differently. People don’t want to lash out and be unreasonable, but at the same time, we’re not necessarily taught how to express our needs and feelings in a clear and productive way and thus emotions flare up.
By taking responsibility for your own feelings and need you’ll allow space for the other person’s needs and feelings too and won’t adopt them as your own.
When you connect your feelings and needs you can resolve communication lapse much easier.
Ask yourself frequently: What do I feel? What do I need?
I’m currently reading NonViolent Communication and loving it. Will share more takeaways soon.